Self and Self-Realisation: The Journey to Wholeness

At the core of our being lies something vast, steady, and luminous – Self. It remains untouched by the changing tides of life and the wounds we endure, unaffected by the masks we wear or the stories we tell ourselves. It simply is a quiet presence, patient and whole, waiting to be rediscovered.

In our daily lives, we may feel fragmented – pulled in different directions by responsibilities, expectations, and past experiences. Beneath these layers lies a deeper reality. We are not merely the sum of our struggles or achievements. We are something far greater.

Self in Different Traditions

Many traditions and philosophies have sought to name this mysterious presence: the Tao, the Soul, the Atman, the Divine Spark, the Unchanging Witness. Some describe it as an infinite, vast, boundless sky; others as a still, unwavering point of light. In some teachings, it is even called No-Self, a paradox that invites us beyond identity into something more spacious and free.

Imagine an ancient well, deep and undisturbed. The water at the bottom is clear, reflecting the sky. This is  Self – pure and untouched, even if the surface is briefly clouded by dust and movement. No matter how often we forget, this deeper presence is always there.

The Sun Within: A Metaphor for Self

Self is like the sun, radiating warmth and clarity from the core of our being. At times, clouds – representing our fears, doubts, and past wounds – obscure its light. However, the sun never ceases to shine. Even when we cannot perceive it, it remains, steady and unwavering.

Moments of profound love, silence, or awe – standing before the ocean, hearing a child laugh, gazing into the eyes of someone who genuinely sees us – can lift the veil and allow the light to shine through. In these moments, we remember what we truly are.

The Journey of Self-Realisation

Self-realisation is not a final destination; it is a lifelong journey, an unfolding of our highest potential. Like a flower blooming, like a river carving its path through rock, we are continually evolving. From childhood to old age, through joy and suffering, we move towards greater wholeness.

Life sometimes propels us forward effortlessly, like a gentle breeze guiding a boat. At other times, it challenges us through loss, uncertainty, or change. These experiences are not obstacles; they are opportunities. They invite us to pause, listen, and go deeper. What is life asking of us? What part of ourselves is ready to awaken?

Growth does not occur all at once. We glimpse, forget, and remember again. Every step, no matter how small, brings us closer to our true nature.

How Do We Connect with Self?

Stillness nurtures connection. A quiet walk in nature. A deep breath. Sitting by a window, observing the rain. In these moments of pause, Self whispers.

Creativity unlocks awareness. Writing, painting, dancing—any act that flows from deep within us connects us to something beyond the surface of our minds.

Love transforms. When we genuinely see another and are truly seen, something changes. We soften, we expand, and we remember.

Psychosynthesis provides a way to reconnect with Self. It offers a guide for those moments when we feel adrift, reminding us that what we seek is already within us.

The Invitation to Wholeness

Self-realisation is not about becoming someone new; it is about remembering who we already are. It involves uncovering the light within and allowing it to shine in every aspect of our lives – our relationships, our work, and our smallest interactions.

Every moment presents an opportunity to awaken – to pause, breathe, and fully engage with life. To wholeheartedly embrace all that we are without hesitation.

As Rumi beautifully reminds us:

“You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?”

The journey home to the Self begins right here, in this moment.

Authentic Personality: Embracing Our True Self

Our authentic personality blossoms within the nourishing environment of relationships that encourage and respect our individuality. When surrounded by people who genuinely support us, we find the freedom to express our unique qualities, talents, and dreams. This supportive presence gives us the space to reveal who we are, allowing the true essence of our being to take shape. In such relationships, we feel accepted, not for who we should be, but for who we truly are, and this acceptance is a vital catalyst for personal growth.

From our earliest days, we are connected to a network of relationships that profoundly shape our development. Childhood connections begin with the closeness of family, where parents and caregivers provide our first experience of connection and belonging. As we grow, this web of relationships expands to include teachers, classmates, and friends, each bringing unique perspectives and influences that impact our sense of self.

In adolescence and adulthood, our relationships diversify even further, encompassing colleagues, partners, and the larger social fabric. Each stage offers fresh opportunities for self-discovery and growth, and each new relationship provides a chance to reflect on who we are and how we want to relate to the world.

When others see us for who we genuinely are—acknowledging both our strengths and vulnerabilities—our inner self can unfold naturally, free from the constraints of rigid expectations. Our authentic personality thrives in this atmosphere, where our potential is encouraged and genuinely supported. Through this acceptance, our actions, choices, and even our way of being become a dynamic expression of our inner nature.

In this ongoing journey, we don’t merely adapt to the expectations of others; rather, we engage in a creative dialogue with them. We bring forth the qualities, values, and dreams that are uniquely ours, living from a place of authenticity. Our Self, deeply connected to our core, moves toward realisation—not as a destination but as a continual unfolding, a lifelong process where we grow closer to the heart of who we are.

Authenticity is the key to living a fulfilled and meaningful life.

Roberto Assagioli

What is the Survival Personality and How It Shapes Our Lives?

For most of us, the survival personality is our starting point, a response to the implicit and explicit demands of our family, culture, and society. While our authentic self is rooted in natural, spontaneous expression, the survival personality is moulded to meet external demands.

In truth, our growth is rarely smooth or predictable; it's woven into the fabric of being human. At best, the notion of a perfect society or flawless parents is a myth.

As young children, we arrive helpless and deeply dependent, relying on our parents and family for survival—not only physically but emotionally. At that vulnerable age, the absence of love or care from our caregivers feels like an existential threat, something akin to death itself.

We develop an instinctive drive to secure love and approval from this place of need. We sense the cost of upsetting those we depend on and learn early to adjust ourselves accordingly. We shape ourselves to meet the expectations of those around us, often concealing aspects that feel unacceptable or unlovable.

In time, we learn to reveal only what’s safe, only what secures belonging and love. But this selective expression comes at a cost: rather than unfolding into our authentic self, we shape what could be called a survival personality. This is a version of ourselves sculpted to fit in, to avoid rejection, and adapt. What we repress or deny forms a shadow—a hidden part of who we are.

Yet, it's crucial not to judge the survival personality as devoid of worth. It often displays exceptional qualities—skills and strengths that may even exceed the average, contributing richly to our lives.

But as we grow, the survival personality often tightens its hold. Gradually, we identify more with this adaptive self and drift from our authentic essence. We may come to believe that we are this constructed version, losing touch with the fullness of who we truly are. It becomes second nature, a habit we slip into without question.

This identification can persist for much of our lives, especially when it brings outward success. Eventually, the survival personality begins to limit us, like a bird trapped in a cage too small to spread its wings fully.

A rupture inevitably occurs when we overlook or deny parts of ourselves for too long. We may experience this as stress, anxiety, or a subtle but profound sense of unease. Life then nudges us—sometimes gently, sometimes with force—to reconnect with the whole of ourselves and rediscover the freedom of our authentic being.

The Science of Smiling: How It Shapes Emotions and Builds Resilience

Smiling is not merely an echo of happiness; it is its architect. Even when summoned in moments of darkness, a smile can illuminate the corridors of the mind. The facial feedback hypothesis suggests that our face communicates with our brain, crafting feelings not from the heart alone but from the gentle curve of a grin.

Imagine this: even a smile born from intention rather than spontaneous delight can soften the edges of anxiety, inviting resilience where worry once resided. It shifts our perspective, allowing us to perceive not only the weight of life but also its lightness. Smiling becomes both a reflection and a source of inner peace.

The Truth of Authenticity

Not all smiles are identical. There are lingering, tender, and genuine smiles that illuminate the eyes. These authentic expressions resonate more profoundly, stirring joy not only in others but also within ourselves. They engage the mind's most radiant spaces, where reward and regulation dance together in harmony.

However, there is grace even in a practised smile. With gentle repetition over time, deliberate smiles create pathways of positivity in the brain. They become bridges that guide us more easily to authentic moments of contentment.

Weaving Smiling into Your Life

How, then, can we invite more smiles into our days? Not as a forced ritual, but as a natural bloom in the garden of our habits:

• Whispers of Gratitude: Begin or end your day by considering simple blessings—the warmth of sunlight, a kind word, the comfort of breathing itself. Gratitude is the foundation from which smiles flourish.

• Moments of Delight: Engage with that which effortlessly brings you joy—a melody that stirs the heart, the playful antics of a pet, and the laughter found in a good story.

• Mindful Presence: Let mindfulness guide you to the small wonders often overlooked: the pattern of rain on a window, the aroma of fresh tea, and the soft rustle of leaves. In noticing, we naturally soften into a smile.

• Visions of Joy: Close your eyes and journey through memories or dreams that bring you warmth. Allow anticipation and recollection to be the companions that evoke your smile.

The Lasting Gift of a Smile

Smiling is a gift we give and receive simultaneously. It costs nothing and demands little while offering so much. Beneath its simplicity lies quiet wisdom: the power to soothe the heart, ease the mind, and nourish the body.

By practising the art of smiling, we do not deny what is difficult or painful in our lives. Instead, we create space to embrace both joy and sorrow, light and shadow. A smile becomes a gentle companion, not erasing our struggles but aiding us in building resilience to confront them with greater strength and grace.

So, as you go through your day, perhaps you might allow a gentle smile to form—an invitation to well-being, a small but profound shift in the present moment. In its simplicity, profound beauty resides, a tender reminder that joy often lives in the lightest gestures.

The Vagus Nerve: A Hidden Ally in Easing Stress and Anxiety

Imagine a gentle thread running through your body, connecting your brain, heart, and gut, whispering messages of calm and balance. This thread exists - It is the vagus nerve, an extraordinary bridge between body and mind, influencing how we respond to stress, fear, and emotional challenges.

The vagus nerve, named after the Latin word for “wandering,” extends from the brainstem through the chest and abdomen, reaching many of our vital organs. Though it works quietly in the background, it plays a crucial role in helping us navigate life's ups and downs. When safety is felt, it slows the heartbeat, deepens the breath, and supports digestion. When stress or anxiety takes hold, it helps guide the body back to equilibrium.

The Nervous System’s Balancing Act

The body has two opposing forces at play: the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares for action—the well-known “fight or flight” response—and the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes rest, recovery, and healing. The vagus nerve is the master conductor of the parasympathetic system, helping shift from states of tension to states of ease.

During stress, the heart races, breathing becomes shallow, and muscles tense. However, when the vagus nerve is activated, it signals the heart to slow down and the breath to deepen, creating a physiological state that promotes calmness. This is not merely a sensation—it represents a measurable change in the body. The vagus nerve regulates heart rate variability (HRV), which refers to the variation in time between heartbeats and is a key indicator of resilience. A higher HRV suggests greater adaptability to stress, while a lower HRV is linked to chronic anxiety and emotional distress.

The Vagus Nerve’s Role in Emotional Regulation

Beyond its influence on the body, the vagus nerve plays a significant role in emotional regulation. It is closely connected to the brain’s emotional centres, particularly the amygdala, which processes fear, and the prefrontal cortex, which aids in regulating emotions. Studies suggest that stimulating the vagus nerve enhances communication between these regions, allowing for improved emotional balance and a greater capacity to manage stress.

The vagus nerve also interacts with acetylcholine, a neurotransmitter that helps to slow the heart and relax the body. Research indicates that stimulating the vagus nerve can enhance acetylcholine activity, which in turn promotes a state of calm.

Additionally, the vagus nerve supports the body's anti-inflammatory pathways, helping to reduce inflammation in response to stress. As chronic inflammation is linked to anxiety and depression, this could be one way in which the vagus nerve supports mental well-being.

Applying Vagus Nerve Science to Anxiety Treatment

People who experience chronic anxiety have an overactive sympathetic nervous system, which keeps the body in a persistent state of alertness. This heightened state makes relaxation difficult and can lead to symptoms such as hyperarousal, panic, and dissociation. The vagus nerve, a key part of the body's parasympathetic nervous system, helps regulate these responses by promoting a sense of safety and calm.

Body-based techniques that stimulate the vagus nerve can help shift out of chronic stress states. Practices such as breathwork, grounding exercises, and mindfulness activate the vagus nerve, fostering a greater sense of control over bodily reactions. Self-regulation strategies, like slow exhalation, humming, or gentle movement, can be particularly effective in reducing anxiety symptoms and easing dissociation.

Therapeutic approaches, such as somatic therapy, mindfulness-based interventions, and practices informed by Polyvagal Theory, recognise the vagus nerve’s role in emotional healing. Integrating this understanding into therapy can help regulate the nervous system, build resilience, and decrease sensitivity to stress triggers, restoring a sense of safety and calm within the body.

How to Strengthen the Vagus Nerve

Regular daily practices can improve vagal tone, helping to manage stress, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs.

• Slow, deep breathing: Extending the exhale stimulates the vagus nerve, slowing the heart rate and encouraging relaxation.

• Humming and singing: The vibrations in the throat stimulate the vagus nerve, enhancing calmness.

• Cold exposure: Splashing cold water on the face or taking a short cold shower has been shown to activate the vagus nerve.

• Mindfulness and meditation: Focusing on the present moment, primarily through breath awareness, boosts vagal activity.

• Moderate exercises, such as yoga, Qigong, or Thai Chi, boost vagal tone and produce a more robust stress response.

The vagus nerve reminds us that calm is not something we seek outside ourselves—it is something we cultivate within. Its power can be harnessed through simple, intentional practices and therapeutic interventions to restore balance, regulate emotions, and support deep healing.

The Power of Creative Visualisation

In creative visualisation, you use your imagination to create clear images of the desired result in your mind. This powerful technique can help you develop an attitude or behaviour that will help you achieve your goal.

Visualisation is more than imagining a static picture. It is about imagining yourself as a protagonist in a movie. In your visualisation, you do not watch yourself as if you are on a screen but are living what you want to achieve. It is also essential to actively involve your senses and emotions.

World-class athletes use the power of visualisation to reinforce precisely how they want to perform. They develop mental images of the behaviour that will lead them to the results they want to achieve. They see in their mind’s eye the result they want and the actions leading to it.

Numerous studies on visualisation confirm its positive effects on the performance of athletes, musicians, singers, actors, managers, and students in exams.

Creative visualisation can be quickly learnt and used by anyone. You can try the following exercise:

• Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths. Become quiet and relaxed.

• Formulate a scenario of some event in your mind—it can be sitting an exam, having an interview, or anything else you want. See it as vividly as you can, but do not strain. And do not worry if the picture is not perfect. See in your mind all the relevant details—people around you, the place where you are, how you are dressed.

• Add colour, sound, and smells. Engage in your imagination with all of your senses.

• Put positive feelings and emotions into what you are doing. Imagine yourself doing it well, feeling confident and calm.

• Practice at least twice a day. The best times to do it are before going to sleep at night and awakening in the morning before you start your day.

Invest time each day in visualising what you want to achieve. Make the scene alive and honest in your imagination. Add all the action, energy, and emotion you can muster to the “movie” in your mind. The more it appears and feels real to you, the more likely you will achieve your goal in real life.

And do not forget to have fun with it.